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Reverend Flanders, pastor of the largest Southern Baptist Church in downtown Birmingham, Alabama and a fire chief went on to their rewards and arrived at the pearly gates simultaneously, at which point the fire chief was immediately passed on through.

Reverend Flanders immediately raised a hue and cry stating that he knew the man to be totally sacrilegious, a downright reprobate and a discredit to the human race as opposed to himself who always lived a pious life by preaching the Word, saving souls, and generally caring for his fellow man.

Saint Peter retorted, "My dear Flanders, your case has to be examined more fully. We have to look at the facts surrounding your arrival completely before admitting you to heaven. After all, during the many years that you preached the Word of God from your pulpit most people fell asleep. While the chief drove his fire engine, everybody prayed!"

The Chief asked one of his rookies, "Hey rook, do you believe in life after death?"

"Yes Sir," the new recruit replied.

"Well then, that makes everything just fine," the Chief went on, "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."


One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. Before long it exploded into flames and an alarm went out to fire departments from miles around.

After fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved! I will give $50,000 to the engine crew that brings them out safely!" As soon as the chief heard this, he ordered the firemen to strengthen their attack on the blaze. After two more hours of attacking the fire, president of the company offered $100,000 to the engine company that could bring out the company's secret files.

From the distance a long siren was heard and another fire truck came into sight. It was a local volunteer fire department composed entirely of men over 65. To everyone's amazement the little fire engine raced through the chemical plant gates and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. In the distance, the other firemen watched as the old-timers hopped off of their rig and began to fight the fire with an effort that they had never seen before. After an hour of intense fighting, the volunteer company had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.

Joyous, the chemical company president announced that he would double the reward to $200,000 and walked over to personally thank each of the volunteers. After thanking each of the old men individually, the president asked the group what they intended to do with the reward money. The fire truck driver looked him right in the eye and said, "The first thing we're going to do is fix the dang brakes on that truck!" 

3 Wise Men

     In a small Southern town there was a nativity scene that indicated great skill and talent in its creation. One small feature puzzled me, though. The three wise men were wearing fireman's helmets. Totally unable to understand this, I left.

At a "Quik Stop" at the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You darn Yankees never do read the Bible!!" I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.

She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a particular passage. Sticking it in my face, she said, "See, it says right there. The three wise men came from afar."


This chief's house catches on fire. He calls the fire department and screams, "Help Me, Help Me! My house is on fire."

The fireman says, "How do I get there?"

The chief says, "DUHHH, in the big red truck!"


When the employees of a restaurant attended a fire safety seminar, they watched a fire official demonstrate the proper way to operate an extinguisher. "Pull the pin like a hand grenade," he explained, "then depress the trigger to release the foam."

Later an employee was selected to extinguish a controlled fire in the parking lot. In her nervousness, she forgot to pull the pin. The instructor hinted, "Like a hand grenade, remember?"

In a burst of confidence she pulled the pin, and hurled the extinguisher at the blaze.

A fire fighter is working on the Engine outside the station when he notices a little boy next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. The boy is wearing a fire fighters helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and a cat.

The fire fighter says "Hey partner, what are you doing?"

The little boy says "I am pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck."

The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck" the fire fighter says with admiration.

"Thanks mister" the boy says.

The fireman looks a little closer and notices the boy has tied the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's tail.

"Little partner", the fireman says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar I think you could go faster."

The boy says "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

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